Finding Light When Life Feels Heavy

Not everything in life is negative. I know that. I love my family deeply—my husband, our boys—they are my world. But some days, I look around and still wonder: Why do I feel like this? Why does everything feel so heavy?

A lot of it, for me, comes down to my health. I live with Familial Mediterranean Fever (FMF) and arthrogryposis, and now my liver enzymes (AST and ALT) have been staying high. That’s new—and it’s scary. There were times they would go up and then settle, but now they’re just… stuck. Cue the health anxiety. I’m trying to support my son through his health anxiety while silently managing my own, and honestly, it’s exhausting.

There are days when all I want to do is curl into a ball and disappear—but what would that solve? I have a life, a family, and a business I care about. I try to stay upbeat, especially to help my husband with his work, but sometimes it feels like I’m failing everyone, including myself. Am I hurting more than helping? I don’t know. It’s hard to navigate all of this when your mental and physical health are in constant conflict.

But here’s the thing: I’m still here. Still trying. Still choosing to show up.

Growing up with arthrogryposis, I learned early that the world doesn’t always understand difference. I walk a little differently—but I’m not “handicapped.” My body may move differently, but my mind, my heart, my strength—they’re just like anyone else’s. And thankfully, I had an amazing support system. In school, I was never made to feel like I didn’t belong. I had friends. I was class president. I found ways to do what others did, even if I had to do it differently.

That’s what I want to tell anyone who’s struggling right now: you don’t have to be perfect to be powerful. You just have to keep going.

We all have something—mental, physical, emotional. None of us are without battles. The real question isn’t why me? It’s how do I keep going in spite of it? And I don’t have all the answers. But I do know this: you are not alone, and there is always a light—some days it just takes more work to see it.

If you’re having a hard time, I see you. And if you’re still trying, still showing up, still choosing to love others while learning how to love yourself in the process—that’s something to be proud of.