“But You Don’t Look Sick…”

One of the hardest things to hear when you live with a chronic illness is: “You look great — you don’t look sick.”

People mean it as a compliment, but those words can feel heavy.

Every day, I try to put myself together — not for anyone else, but for me. I tell myself that if I look good, maybe I’ll feel better. Deep down, I know it doesn’t work that way, but it’s my little routine of holding on to some normalcy.

The problem is, people often assume that if you look okay, you must be okay. Growing up, I even thought that way myself. If someone called out sick, I thought they needed to “sound sick” or “look sick.” Now I live with the reality that illness doesn’t always show on the outside.

And sometimes, I start to doubt myself because of it. After years of hearing, “maybe you’re just depressed” or “you need to get out more” from doctors, it sticks in your mind. You begin questioning — maybe it is in my head? Maybe I’m not as sick as I think?

But then the fevers creep in, my inflammation markers rise, and I’m reminded: this is real. I’m not making it up.

And then there’s the smile. That little smile I try to put on for pictures or when I’m around people — but when I look back at the photo, I can see it. I can tell I wasn’t feeling well. It’s almost like a mask that only I can see through, and it’s a reminder of how much we hide just to appear “normal.”

So how do we change the stigma? How do we help people understand that everyone is carrying something, whether you can see it or not? I’ve canceled more plans than I can count because I wasn’t feeling well — and every time, I hated having to explain myself again and again.

I know I’m not alone in this.

👉 What do you do when people say, “but you don’t look sick”?

👉 How do you handle the guilt of canceling plans or the frustration of always having to justify yourself?

I’d love to hear from others who live with this invisible side of illness. Maybe if we keep talking about it, we can start to change the way people see it.

At the end of the day, even when our struggles aren’t visible, our strength is. And that’s something no one can take away from us. 💙