Life Is Full — Even When It’s Hard

Lately, things have been hard.

I’m 53 now, and I truly believe I started menopause back in my 40s. The anxiety some days feels unbearable — like it comes out of nowhere and takes over my body and my thoughts. On top of that, I live with a chronic disorder and a disability. Some days I find myself thinking, Really? All of this too?

People say God only gives you what you can handle. I don’t know about that — sometimes it feels like a lot. But what I do know is that even on the hard days, there is still so much good.

Today was actually a good day.

I spent it with my husband. He looked at a few jobs, I helped where I could, and we ended the day eating dinner together as a family. Those moments matter. They ground me. They remind me that I am incredibly blessed, even when my body and mind feel like they’re fighting me.

I’ve been trying to shift my mindset. One thing that’s helped is writing down what I’m grateful for each day — and three things I did well. That’s not always easy, because I tend to beat myself up over the smallest things. If something goes wrong, I replay it over and over in my head, wondering what I could’ve done better.

I take on a lot of responsibility. Probably too much. I’m learning — slowly — that delegation is not failure. It’s growth. And growth is a process.

I’ve also been showing up a lot on TikTok lately. And I feel something shifting. I feel like it’s time to really share my story — not just the highlight moments, but the full truth. Because my story matters. And I believe others can learn from it: the resilience, the struggles, the faith, the reality of living with a disability and building a life anyway.

There was a time I never thought I’d be married. I never thought I’d have this life. But God had other plans.

Tonight on TikTok, I shared something deeply personal — my beginning.

My mother had two miscarriages before me. Then she had my sister. And just ten months later, she had me. My mother was born with two uteruses, and doctors believe my sister grew in the larger one — and I grew in the smaller one. My sister was born without a disability. I wasn’t. My mother believes I simply had no room to grow. And honestly, I believe that too.

What still stops me in my tracks to this day is something my mother’s doctor told her. He said that if there was anything wrong with the baby, they would “get rid of it.” I still can’t wrap my mind around how a doctor could even say that — or what that would have meant.

That doctor wasn’t there when my mother went into true labor. He told her he’d be back after making his rounds. And while he was gone, she delivered me.

If he had been there… would I be here today?

I don’t know. And I’m grateful I never have to know the answer to that.

When I think about what could have happened, I think about what did happen instead. This life. My husband. My children. My family. None of it would exist if I weren’t here.

So even on the days when anxiety is loud, when my body feels heavy, when life feels overwhelming — I remind myself of this truth:

I am here for a reason.

And I am truly, deeply blessed.