It’s been a few weeks since I’ve written here, and so much has been going on. Since Mikey left for college, the whole dynamic in our house has changed. We’re all finding our way with it.
I miss him. Especially in the morning. I miss waking up and hearing him say, “Yo.” Such a little thing, but when you’re used to hearing it every day, you really notice when it’s gone.
At the same time, I’m so proud of him. He’s in school, he’s playing football, and he’s loving it. That makes me happy. Of course, he misses home, and he still manages to make my life a little crazy sometimes. Being away at college hasn’t changed that! I’m still his mom, and there’s always something.
Miguel definitely misses him, too. And I think Jacob misses having his brother around, even if I don’t know exactly how much or how he would put it into words. We’re all adjusting to the same change in our own ways.
We have to keep doing our thing here, too. I’m learning that I can miss Mikey and still enjoy what’s happening in my own life. Both feelings can be there.
And lately, I’ve been feeling lighter.
I started taking Lexapro because I felt like something was going on with me emotionally. Maybe it was depression. I don’t know exactly how to explain where I was, but I can feel the difference now. I feel happier, more positive, and excited about things again. I’m sharing that because it’s part of my life, just as much as the physical things I talk about here.
One of the things bringing me so much joy is this community.
When one of my videos reached nine million views, I barely wrap my head around it. But the messages afterward are what have stayed with me. So many wonderful people have reached out to tell me that something I shared inspired them.
Sometimes I read those messages and think, “Me? Inspiring?”
I’m just doing my thing. Living my life. Taking care of my family, working, figuring things out, and finding ways to do what I want to do.
Most days, I don’t spend much time thinking about my disability. It’s always been part of me. Unless I’m having a flare or my body hurts, I’m usually just getting on with my day. What someone else sees as inspiring might be something I’ve been doing for years without giving it much thought.
Sharing those everyday moments has helped me see that they can mean something to someone else.
I do feel myself slowing down a little as I get older. Some things take more effort, and I’m noticing changes in my body. I’m still figuring out what that means for me. But alongside those changes, I’m discovering something new that I love doing.
That’s exciting.
I hope that eventually I can earn an income from the content I create. I want to be honest about that. To build something from sharing my life—something I enjoy any that connects with people—would mean so much to me.
I never imagined this possibility. For so much of my life, my disability was something I had to deal with, something I was born with that made certain things harder. I never pictured the experiences that came with it helping me connect with so many people or opening a door to work I would love.
Now I’m curious about where this could go.
Mikey is starting his new chapter, and somewhere in the middle of missing him and adjusting to our changing family, I’ve realized I’m starting one, too.
I still want to hear that “Yo” in the morning. I still have days when my body hurts. And I have things I’m looking forward to that I never saw coming.
That’s where I am right now, between the flares.
And it’s a beautiful life.
Deb
Xoxoxo❤️🥰
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